They didn’t even look back.
It was a day I had been anticipating for a large portion of the summer. A long, hot, unstructured summer spent, for the most part, refereeing two small but very strong willed little girls. A summer I was eager to see the back of if I’m honest—wearing me down and stretching my patience paper thin. There were beautiful times in there too of course, but boy was I ready for fall— arriving like a breath of fresh air with its cool mornings and promise of change. A return to structure, routine, and some margin for this weary mama.
Still, as I watched them bound down the steps without me, their hearts and backpacks full, my mama heart could barely take it. I wanted them to go, but oh how desperately I wanted them back.
This is the paradox of motherhood. Existing in the tension between the ‘now and the ‘one day, the conflict between holding on and letting go. Anticipating the changes coming— for us and for them— and at the same time willing them to stay the same forever. Celebrating every small step towards independence, and grieving it all the same.
“There is a right time for everything” we read in Ecclesiastes 3:1. “Everything on earth has its special season.”
We can’t freeze time, or press the rewind button. All we have is today— with all its imperfections and struggles and simple joys. Like the transition from summer to fall, the next season will bring with it more change, more independence, more freedom— and more heartbreak, as we allow them to spread their wings that little bit further and prepare to fly.
But that day is not today. Today I will live fully in the season we are in right now— and embrace the paradox it brings. Enjoying the blessing of a child-free morning while missing them all the same.
To all the mamas relishing and yet struggling with the transitions of this new season, I see you this morning, and am sending you love. This mothering thing is pretty darn hard ❤️
